Sandbox Games: In Which I Realize I'm a Horrible Human Being

I love video games. I really really do. I’ve been playing them all my life. My childhood is filled to the brim with memories of me failing at Link to the Past and that armadillo game for the Genesis. But when comic books entered my life in my teenage years, gaming took a back seat. Sure, whenever the newest Zelda or Final Fantasy game came out I would buy them instantly, but with all the time I spent reading I didn’t have as much time to spend on hour long Smash Brothers matches with my little brother.

Once I realized this truth it saddened me. Video games helped shape the socially inept person I am today. So over the past few years I’ve been trying to play more games to make up for lost time. Some may say that’s a waste of time, but I replaced any sort of physical activity with my renewed interest in video games. So there. 

With my grand return to gaming, one style that is really popular stood out to me as unfortunately one that I am horrible at. That is of course, the open world or “sandbox” games. Not because I am lost without an extremely linear plot, no simply due to the fact that I am a psychotic monster. 

A few months ago I popped in Fallout 3 for this first time (yes I told you I was behind) and I did pretty well until I realized you could basically kill anything or anyone your little heart desired. That underground vault was a mass graveyard an hour after I started. I had to restart the game twice before I made it out of the vault without beating everyone to death with my bare hands.

Radroaches? That's not what I'd be afraid of Butch

When I thought about my history in gaming my actions totally made sense to me. I thought this was just because I wasn’t used to sandbox games, but really I’ve been this horrible my whole gaming career. The first time I can remember acting like this I was playing a James Bond game for the N64.

No not that one

The World is Not Enough’s first level takes place in a bank. I don’t even remember what you have to do to finish the level, but what I do remember is that you could use your nifty laser watch to fry the receptionist. Unfortunately if you did that you received an instant Mission Failed. That didn’t stop me from doing it a few more times. Never did beat that game. Also I’m pretty sure I didn’t even know there WAS a plot to Grand Theft Auto a few years after I bought it. Though I do have to say my hooker execution technique is really quite excellent.


It took playing these sandbox games for me to realize that I should probably be a nicer gamer, and hopefully I will complete the games without butchering any important characters. For now, I am still at the beginning of such modern classics as Oblivion, Fallout and Red Dead Redemption. But I can see a change on the horizon. The first step to recovery is realization right? Now, if only I can learn to succeed in most FPS' I may one day earn some real gamer cred. 

Yeah but guys I've caught like 420 Pokemon. That's totally cooler than Bioshock. Guys?